cynicallyhappy7

04:58 pm: its casper merry X-mas
Hey every one, i know im a ghost here, but thought id update just to keep yall informed. I got put into fostercare, and my perents were finnally charged with abuse and neglect, so i have a restraining order, and theyre under investigation. Im on the transplant list for a new kidney, so hey if any of you believe in prayer... keep me in mind would ya. The last dialisiss went fine... painfull, but fine. Things are going really really well. I jsut got accepted into UNC (which is a much better school than cu ) and im getting an apartment in july after i graduate. I have an amazing boyfriend named Ben, were moving intogether. Sammy and i are still good friends, just saw her infact. Ive been doing alot of parties lately, and some raves, but no more stupid high school shit. 21 and up only. lol. god i feel old. but it rocks so im not complaining. i have a car and a job, and a 4.0 gpa. oh and im in yoga. Im all about the local scene, and i know just about everybody. and ive been going to a hella lot of shows lately. well, i got to burn some cds, so laterz. -aulie

06:44 pm: backstabbingbastards(plural)
so here im back, i was in cinntenial peaks residential treatment facility (phyc hospital) for five days, but it feels like i was in there for moths. i moved into samm, and jons house. thankfully i didnt get kicked out of summer school for the absense sense i got a doc note for it. oh, and i just wanted to say thank you sooo much to all of my friends (alexa, and jenna) who decided instead of helping me threw my breakdown ordeal (which sammy is) decided to betray me and stab me in the back by taking sides which wert even there. you guys dont get it do you. i was in the mental hospital, because i couldnt get a single "how ya doin" from you guys, except for from sammys ex. how comferting. no offence carol, but you know that ill always see you as "her ex" though you are very supportive, and i thank you for it. i really needed you guys, but your true nature really shown threw, when you didnt even ask if i were okay. well, im doing a little better. they upped the two meds i was already on, and gave me three new ones, two more anti-phycotics, and another anti-depression one. you guys didnt even care that i might be going threw a huge ordeal which i am, and threw me away. my hillusinations have gotten emensily worse, hense the new meds, and im loosing more and more time every week, but why would you care that im loosing my mind. you dont give a flying fuck about me. so why the front? whatever. you know. i would think that after 9 months of being friends with me you could support both sammy and i in our endevors, but know i guess you arnt capable of taking an objective view point, and try to help us both, because you care about us, together, and sepratly. i guess that was only a pipe dream. dont say youre sorry now, cause it never mattered then. i didnt fuck up anything im very sick right now, and just got out of the hospital, and im not going to deal with your juvinile crap any longer. take me off your friend lists emeidetly. i love you sammy. laterz to all my real friends. -aulie

11:52 am: to my dearest sammy-bastard

THREE CHEERS FOR THE BACK STABBING BASTARD………HAZAAA!!!

 

 

I cant believe you did this

You cut me loose when I needed you most

And now that im fading turning into a ghost

Lets throw our hands up in cheer

You deserve a toast ………HAZAAA!!!

 

Smile baby, you kicked me when I was down

In the dark, you were the light I had found

But you gave it all up, cause you cant be strong

You cant loose control you just cant be wrong

Well you fucked up this time my prince of night

You threw in the towel, you gave up the fight

You said that you loved me, you said that you cared

I said you cant; Im insane and that’s just a fact

I didn’t put up any show, this anit just an act

But you didnt want to see

You wouldn’t listen

You wouldn’t believe

I promised you forever,

And that’s just what I ment

I could have warmed your heart

Maybe start a little spark

But now that time is spent

Our perfect circle is now bent

I cant believe you did this

You cut me loose when I needed you most

And now that im fading turning into a ghost

Lets throw our hands up in cheer

You deserve a toast………HAZAAA!!!

 

 

Your cold and dead, and I helped you to survive,

But when I needed help you threw me out alive

I don’t have time for this, your killing me inside

By the time you read this

Ill already have died

Im being sent away again,

And all I can think of is you

Falling back so far down,

And now that you are gone theres nothing more to do

I loved you more than I can say, but yours was never true

I cant believe you did this

You cut me loose when I needed you most

And now that im fading turning into a ghost

Lets throw our hands up in cheer

You deserve a toast………HAZAAA!!!

 

UNSENSITIVE, UNFEELING, EMOTIONLESS, ABANDONING……….(but I love her)………..BASTARD !!!

-AULIE CROY©

12:57 pm: orgy time...lol
well, life is going quite well at the moment. i have a full time job, 8-12 hours/day mon-thurs, i get paid a good sum of mula. im also working at the rennoconce faire on the weekends, my life has been like constant party for the last like 4 weeks. what i do all day at the faire? ... i drink, i eat, and be merry. litterally. ive met soooo many people, and i got a car, and im getting new boots, and im in summerschool, which isnt anything like school with all my friends. im getting another tattoo. i got two new pircings. my eating habbits are returning to normal. life is good. laterz. -aulie

03:45 pm: my boobs hurt . lol. my fault. lol.
so, hey every body. whats going on? alexa, you still have yet to call me, i feel very unloved, but its forgivible seeing as that you are grounded. why? by the way, and will i get to see you before you up and leave on me? anyways, it was great seeing you yesterday julie, i want a kitten sooo badly, but my mom is right, i just cant afford one right now, and im not really home alot, so i guess i cant. oh, i felt sooo bad, my baby was sooo hung over this morning, and i had to leave to go to work, im sorry baby. i love you. so, ummm guess what i did? i pirced my nipples. lol. it hurts like a bitch, and i went into shock. but its okay now, but i cant get barbells untill this up coming weekend, so im stuck with saftypins in my boobs for a week, damn it. lol. but anyways, aubrey, im sorry i had to hang up on you last night, i couldnt hear you at all, and i was trying to get online and it was very frustrating, because i had a migraine,and the phone kept ringing. dmdm where is that icon? cherry whats up girl? havnt been on for a long time, well, got to go. luv ya all. laterz. -aulie

06:16 pm: im back
well, hello every one. how are things going. sorry i havnt been on in a long time alot of shit has gone down. i got kicked out of sammys house for baking cookies for the family, (dont ask). my ex-friend cheryal introduced me to these people samm and john. my perents took a liking to them, so when my mom went out of town for a few days, i staied with them, they let me sleep in their bed, cheryal decides to tell me that she loved me, and i hurt her some how, so she decided that shed change it to i slept with them, theyre 33,and like 38, so then she tells the grandma, crying stagitory rape, and social services needs to get involved. they kick their son out. its very complicated, but anyways, things are going okay. i start summer school on the 13, and dance classes on the 27th, so that should be fun. laterz. -aulie

10:39 pm: teporarily unevalible to speak
my best friend in the whole world is in the hospital diying and its all my fault, so ill be away for a long time, im not so much for the talking. -aulie

all alone in the room with walls of black, im trying to cry but i cant seem to react.
its all my fault. the cold stings my bones
i crawll into a corner. i hate my self... look what ive done, its all my fault.

03:43 pm:

EVERY BODY !!! STOP USING LJs AS A GOSSIP RING, AND RUMOR SPREADER! I DONT CARE WHO ANY OF YOU IS TALKING ABOUT, BUT IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO SOME ONE, OR HAVE AN OPINION ON WHO THEY ARE OR SOMETHING THEYVE DONE, THEN YOU NEED TO SAY IT TO THEIR FACE, AND NOT TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE, ABOUT WHAT THAT PERSON DID, BEFORE YOU EXPRESS YOUR OPINIONS, AND TALK TO THE PERSON IN SUBJECT FIRST, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE HEARD WHAT SOMEBODY ELSE DID AND WERNT THERE TO EXPERIANCE IT. DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE ESPECIALLY BEHIND THEIR BACKS. AND  POSTING ANNONIMIS IN A NEGITIVE RESPONSE IS THE SAME THING. OKAY, CAN THAT BE AGREED UPON?. OH AND PEOPLES RELATIONSHIPS ARNT FOR OTHERS TO TALK ABOUT. WE ARNT IN MIDDLESCHOOL ANYMORE PEOPLE! YOU DONT HAVE TO KNOW WHOS GOING OUT WITH WHO AND WHATS GOING ON, AND WHOS MAD AT WHO, FOR WHAT REASON. ITS NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS A RELATIONSHIP IS BETWEEN THOSE PEOPLE, AND IF THEYRE HAVING PROBLEMS, YOU DONT NEED TO COMMENT ON IT. ALSO, TAKING SIDES IS BETRAYL TO ONE OR THE OTHER OF THOSE PERSONS, AND ITS NOT LOYAL. GIVING ADVICE IS GOOD, TRY TO STICK TO THAT FOR A WHILE PEOPLE. REMEMBER LJ's ARE TO UPDATE YOUR FRIENDS ON WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE AND TO GIVE INFO, AND FOR OUR FRIENDS TO MAKE PLANS WITH EACH OTHER, AND CONGRADULATE PEOPLE, AND HELP PEOPLE, AND JUST TALK, NOT GOSSIP. -AULIE

03:28 pm: RANDOM
THESE QUESTIONS FROM LACHERRYBUMBA

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Aulie
2. Pauline
3. snuggle bunny
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. ed_aite
2. cynicallyhappy7
3. cynicallyhappy

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Lips
2.boobs
3. pircings
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. ass
2. thighs
3. highth
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. german
2. slovak
3. Austria hungry
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being with a master that disregards my red safeword
2. Master Sameth leaving me
3. Spiders

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. my book (kushels dart) bdsm fiction
2. my journal
3. smokes and a lighter

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. white T-shirt with woodward logo on it
2. gray jeans
3. good luck charm pendant M. Sameth gave me

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: (at this very moment)
1. the clash
2. Badly Drawn boy (british)
3. Radio head

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: (Favorites for the moment at least)
1. smoke 2 joints : sublime
2. creep: radio head
3. that weird every body party song by system of a down

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Communication
2. love
3. compleat trust

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. how they kiss
2. boobs
3. Legs

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. drawing
2. reading
3. movies old and new

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Be w/ M. Sameth
2. See my bones
3. go on a date

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. open my own tatt/pircing parllor
2. Open my own coffee house
3. be a mommy


THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Paris
2. Africa
3. south America

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Phadre
2. Magie
3. Xander

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. party for ever
2. Travel
3. have a baby and family

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:

1. I can fuck without love.
2. I cuss like a sailor. (took from LAcherrybomba)
3. I don’t care about appearance

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I love makeup. ^
2. I love clothes.^
3. I love shoes.^

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:

1. Sarah Michelle Gellar
2. Drew Barimore
3. Alison Hanigann
THREE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU IN A REALATIONSHIP:

1.Her cynically happy attitude of “I don’t give a fuck”
2.trust
3.gental sweet side, and yet a very dark evil side too

04:42 am: you can sleep when you die... dont waste your life away.
oh my fucking god, what a night! i just got home. do you know what time it is? its 4:42am !!! i love late nights. so this is what happened. well, around 11:30pm barb and i decide that we want to go out and party, note, its like what a tuesday,wednesday night...(whatever), so we try to take my moms car, but it was too heavy to push up the street, so we put it back and almost got caught, so then we think, "lets take your moms car, weve done it a gizzilion times," so we do. we find out that zack and scooby are at scooby's house and his mom is gone, so we go over there, and all of a sudden after about three beers, we're playing strip poker, and it turns into this huge orgy. so then we smoke alot of cigarrets, and some more weed, we talk and chill for a while, and then the guys say that they're tired, have been up all night the night before and have to be @ work at 4:30am, so barb and i leave them to their wasted lives filled with sleep, and we go and say. "hey, lets keep the party alive" so first we get change from our houses, and still having the car(with a full tank and metal blasting), we go to king supers. nobody was there, and the employees that were there were just cleaning, so we see this half opened CARTEN of the new camel silvers (the best kind of smokes), so we totally just walk off with them and got 5 new packs we gave two to the boys (went back for a sec.) and each kept one and shared one between us. so then we go to perkens, (our usual hang out) and order coffee and smoke. it was great, we stayed there till 4:20am, and then i decided i should go home, because i had told my mother id be home at 2:30am, so first we go back to her house and pick up my x-ray bored. (which by the way barb stole from an abandond docters office) and that was basicly it, and now im here, but it was a really awsome night. so now im wound up with caffeine (14.5 cups to be exact) and i havent slept sense i left sammys on monday, im really bored and am not quite sure what to do with my self anymore. i miss my sammy soooo much. so what should i do....humm....babble on and on untill you stop reading my post...maybe....hum....chat, yest chat thats it. g2g. cant wait to see you on sat. alexa. and everyone else. luv ya, cya, laterz. -aulie

12:06 pm: what a night !
oh my god you guys, last night and yesterday were sooo event ful.
okay, so im at du with my mom, right, okay, so she goes to class, and i meet this totally adorable flammer boy, and his friends. i told them i was an undergrad, and they asked me if i wanted to go out for coffee, i thought to my self "hey, mom doesnt get out till nine thirty, why not." so i went and got back before she even knew i was gone, it was great. then i drove us home in first the really heavy rain, and then snow, it was insanity. but anyways, we got home at like elevn oclock at night, and i told my mom: im meeting my friends at barbs at 11:30pm, and were going to go out, and ill be back by 2:00am. (i decided i was sick of liing and sneaking around) she said okay, and trusted me, how fucking awsome is that !!!! so then i go to barbs and nichole is there, and theyre all passed out, cause they snorted some drug that makes your body go numb. not k, but some prescription. anyways, so we snuck out, had a smoke, and then we wanted to get high, but none of us had any weed, so we were all like, lets go find zack, ... so we stole her moms car. which by the way is not an easy task by any means, but we did it. we drove down to ricks, because we figured zack would be there. i stayed in the car while they went to go get him. well, apperntly rick was having sex, so he couldnt come to the door. why else would you not wake up and come to the door when the dog is barking. anyways, so then we went to zacks house and knocked on his window, he wasnt there, so we decided to go to scoobies house.we throw rocks at his window, it was so cliche'. he came out side and said him, zack, and rick have to work at five in the morning so they cant go out. and he didnt have anything to help us out anyways, he said rick did, but screw that! so then nichole calls steevie, and steevie say that her and mike brown can come out. which is her bf. and they had 3 bowls, so were like. awsome!! we go and pick them up, and i was blowing bubbles in the car, which turned into a very sticky mess, but anyways barb, nichole, steevie, mike, and I, all went up to this hidden park, and we did a little hike up to this look out point where you can see the whole city in all directions. the lights were beautiful. so we toked up there and it was alot of fun, and smoked, and then we decided, hey, lets go to perkins, so we did , as we walked in there were 2 full long tables of cops sitting in the non smoking section. we figured it would look less conspicuous if we just went ahead sat down and ordered like normal. so we did and we got coffies and fries. and smoked and talked. and we had a blast, so then steevie and mike had to go home, so we dropped them off, and then i looked at the clock, it was 3:37 in the morning, my mom said if i wasnt home by 230, shed get worried. so, i was all like, yeah, i really need to get home too. so first we had to get barbs car back in the drive way, which turned out to be alot quieter then expected, and they walked me half way home. luckily my mom had passed out long before i got there, and i woke her up and she said good job. i was like awsome, we got away with sneaking out, stealing a car, doing drugs, going past cops stoned, missing curfue, etc. it was great. what a great night, i just wish sammy were there, you havent met any of these friends yet, and they all want to meet you really badly. , so sammys coming over tonight at like 630pm and im totally stoked. and barb and nichole, and aubrey, and me and her are all going to be over on sun. Oh aub. the friday thing, got moved to sun. so ill call you. but yeah, she said it was totally cool, and shed love too. k, so im going to go smoke my morning cigg. ill talk to you all later. cya. laterz. -aulie

03:19 pm: Personal info
when you stop by, it would be greatly appriciated if you tell me your: age, sex, orientaion, and location.

02:12 pm: hey every one
so im going to du today and checking out its art depart ment. it should be at least half way decent, and im going to get some more supplies. life is good, major bdsm orgy on friday. so in july im going to host a bdsm outing/camping trip. most likely in july when its hot. bring your own toys and supplies...(clean of course) all friends in the life style will be invited, so keep watch for updates. and anyone with play needles, i need some 10 gauge 2 inch. so call me up. sammy and mine 7th month anny. is coming up. i have to be down at the campus till nine thirty, but ill call you stacie. i just found out the my nahbors are tokers, so that was fun. stoners annon. i need to talk to you, so call me. i need to find a head shop that sells to minors any hook ups would greatly be appriciated. also anyone who needs a shroom hook up,i found a great one. so call me. 3034227639. clubbing on sunday. any of sammys and my mutual friends are invited. bring your own money though, and you have to be at least 16 to go. punk friends of mine, theres a show at xgames on friday. don and cammron will be playing, i cant go, so say hi to them for me, and have fun. I will also be hosting a camping trip for all my vinnila friends (aka alexa, julie, aubrey, etc.) probably in june, all right cya all soon, and ill post about the camping trips soon as it gets closer to the time. laterz. -aulie

p.s. what is lisa's number, if you know call and tell me. its important.

I love you sammy and ill talk to you tonight.

01:27 pm: hey guys
hey every one. so guess what, i dyed my hair bright red, and i just , and i mean just peirced my bridge. you know the spot between your eyes. it didnt hurt at all, but i had to do it like three times, because i couldnt get it straight. i need to go get an earing for it, because at the moment i have a saftypin between my eyes and its very annoying. well, thats all the news i have to post right now. but luv ya all. cya. laterz. -aulie

SAMMY: I HEARD YOU WERE GOING TO THE LIBRARY TO GET ONLINE. SEND ME AN EMAIL, SO I CAN TALK TO YOU. LOVE YOU FOREVER....-AULIE

07:51 pm: 4:20!!!!
hey, whats up guys? so hangin out for 4:20, was totally awsome. julie, and lisa and i and sammy all went downtown all day, and we got starbuckitos, and sammy and i were in the back seat rolling j's the whole drive, and then we went to sammys old abandond house toked, and left nick at a bus stop, then we went downtown and there were fields of people getting high, and then we lost the car, but then we found it. it was a blast, nick you totally missed out dude. well, thats really all i have to report. luv ya all. cya soon. -aulie

02:51 pm: WELCOME
HEY EVERY BODY. WHEN YOU GET HERE, WOULD YOU POST A COMMENT SAYING YOU SAVED MY NEW SN. THANX A BUNTCH. LUV YA ALL. -AULIE

* days alone, are the days at home...aka...HELL *